WOW did I fail at the whole keeping a daily update thing. Yeah so scratch that idea, my new goal is to update this thing as often as I remember my username and password :)
So as I read back on what I previously wrote, I realize that I am not the same person that I was in those first two weeks of September. That person was naive and uneducated. Yes, I had high marks, but I'm talking about being educated about life.
As I look back on my 9 months up here in Ottawa I realize that this is my home- this is where I belong. It is this place that holds the best people I've ever met. Honestly, I gave up the opportunity to see Jake Gyllenhall in all of his half-naked glory to see Mike and Adam tonight and that means a lot !
I have also created bonds with people whether it be because they held my hair while I puked my life away and prayed for the sweet release of death or because they went with me to the hospital and put on a full hazmat-like suit just so they could sit with me and I wouldn't be alone and I do not regret that at all !
The people I have met in rez and school are definitely not the people I would have hung out with in high school and that I believe is due to the fact that in high school I had my niche and never did I want to venture out of my comfort zone. When I was suddenly immersed into this whole new situation where no one even knew my name, I knew that it was time for me to stop being who I was and to be who I should've been all along.
I no longer judge people because of what they look like, what they're habits are like or how they act when drunk. It is because of this that I have become more comfortable with who I am and I am no longer the self-conscious person I used to be. I have a firm belief that if people only view me as I try to see them, then there's no reason to be scared of not being liked. And if a person doesn't like me then I don't let it bother me like I used to. Instead I say fuck em and move on- it's not like they were worth my time anyway.
For those who still read this just know that in no way do I regret moving to Ottawa and I am slowly starting to make my name known to its lovely citizens. I love my life up here and this is the place that I now call home. So windSUCK, this is my farewell because as of this moment I view Windsor as a place where all of my windsor besties and family live, and nothing more. It is not my home, it is a place which I visit for a little while and then leave. It has become unfamiliar and unwelcoming. It has become desolate and unfriendly. Or maybe it has always been those things and it took me moving away for me to realize that. With that in mind, I'm going to try to re-name this blog from something other than peace out windsor, or maybe I'll keep it the same to remind me of the thirteen years that I spent living in that hellhole of a city.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, September 18, 2009
i'm pretty sure there's a green day song out there that talks about having the time of your life
So I realize that my last post was super detailed for everyday but like yeah that's not going to happen this time. For the rest of the week I got to experience these teamwork games on the rideau canal, i witnessed a hypnotist, went to a beach where we built DIRTY sandcastles, saw a comedian, saw K-Os & Midway State live, and went and fundraised money for cystic fibrosis on the streets of dt ottawa.
I can't even tell you how far I have come along from like the first day that I got dropped off here. The first day I remember not cheering or getting into the "naked parties" but by the end of the week I got so into everything.
I have experienced so much that I KNOW I would not have been able to experience had I stayed back in Windsor. I got WRECKED for the first time over here, I learned not to trust creeps, I learned how to say no if someone asks you for sex and I learned that when you wake up in another room it's okay and I shouldn't panic. I'm having the time of my life here and I don't regret choosing to come to CU at all.
About a week ago I called my mom crying that I wanted to go home and I remember she told me to give it another week and within that week I did a complete 180. I'm so glad I stayed because I've met some of the most amazing people in that one week period.
Although I do miss windsor, I'm starting to miss it less and less. And I do miss my friends from time to time and my famjam but I talk to them almost every week. But I realize that everyone has their own lives and that in a few short weeks I shall be back in windsor for a visit.
For anyone considering doing an exchange or switching to an out-of-town university I recommend that you do it because I can guarantee that you will not regret it :)
I can't even tell you how far I have come along from like the first day that I got dropped off here. The first day I remember not cheering or getting into the "naked parties" but by the end of the week I got so into everything.
I have experienced so much that I KNOW I would not have been able to experience had I stayed back in Windsor. I got WRECKED for the first time over here, I learned not to trust creeps, I learned how to say no if someone asks you for sex and I learned that when you wake up in another room it's okay and I shouldn't panic. I'm having the time of my life here and I don't regret choosing to come to CU at all.
About a week ago I called my mom crying that I wanted to go home and I remember she told me to give it another week and within that week I did a complete 180. I'm so glad I stayed because I've met some of the most amazing people in that one week period.
Although I do miss windsor, I'm starting to miss it less and less. And I do miss my friends from time to time and my famjam but I talk to them almost every week. But I realize that everyone has their own lives and that in a few short weeks I shall be back in windsor for a visit.
For anyone considering doing an exchange or switching to an out-of-town university I recommend that you do it because I can guarantee that you will not regret it :)
Saturday, September 12, 2009
a week in the life of Patty- kinda
I realize that it has been one week and two days since I last updated my blog but anyone who is in university right now gets it when I say that I've just been way too busy to update this thing. I guess I should start right where I left off:
September 4th:
I saw my best friends for the last time that day. There was a ton of crying going on but surprisingly I did not contribute to the crying (at least not in front of anyone). There were so many things that I had to do so they had to leave my house early but they promised that they would return later that night. Surprisingly, my besties (minus Renae) came back around 9 and guess what? I suckered them into helping me pack my van. I'm such a nice friend right ;) After the car was packed we just went to my room and just talked. We had one long random conversation for old times sake and Nadia also decided to hi-jack my phone and take some strange pictures with one of those weird features that you can do to phones. Midnight came and went and we all were huddling on my driveway crying (minus me) because it was really hard to understand that it was more like a see you soon than a goood bye. I then watched my friends drive away into the night and I wondered when I'll see them next.
September 5th
Moving day! Ahhhhhh I was so scared but pumped for this day. This was the day that I had been preparing for ever since I figured out that there are other universities out there besides uWindsor (not really but you know). The drive was long but it wasn't at the same time. We left Windsor at 3 am and we got to Ottawa around 10:45 am. When we got to the university there was so much chanting and screaming coming from the overly excited facils. My mom was ready to turn back because she was scared (haha no lie). We got my keys and stuff picked up and pulled into the parking lot near my rez building. I am not kidding when I tell you that it took like MAYBE 30 seconds tops to empty out my car. I almost laughed when I saw this one guy just effortlessly bringing up my mini fridge to my second floor room. Afterwards my mom and I set up my room and unpacked everything along with my brother because he surprisingly stated that he wanted to help set up my rooom. As my famjam helped me with my room, I had to go to some rez floor meeting and everyone on my floor got a bag of m&m's and for every m&m in your bag you had to state something about yourself. I had 15 m&m's ! Do you know how hard it is to state 15 'normal' things about yourself. In the end I was just like yeah I grew up across the river from the most ghetto city in the USA. After the meeting I met my famjam in my room and we all went and ate in the caf. The food was super good but I was too nervous to eat. After dinner, my famjam and I fixed up the room one last time and we went to a motel because they were too tired to drive home and I was too tired to put up with any loud parties on my floor.
September 6th
After spending the night in some cute little motel I was officially ready for whatever university was ready to throw at me. My parents and I went and said hello to my mom's uncle (who lives in Ottawa) and we talked to him for a little while. It was so nice because he told me that if I am ever in trouble I can call him and he will come get me. It was so nice to know that there was someone who had my back in this big city. After we left my mom's uncle's house we came back to CU and I showed my dad my room and then we all went to go eat lunch. It was there that my dad's boss called and told him that he had to drive at midnight that same day so my family had to leave. My mom started to cry in the caf and I tried SO hard to not cry but some tears did escape. I met up with Alisston and we followed her parents to their car and then after they left we found my parents and said bye to them. After they left I was alone. It was a strange feeling but for some reason it felt like they would just show up the next day again. That night I went to the mall, got my Ottawa bus pass, walked around dt Ottawa with Alisston and Alicia and then came back to the campus in time for the pep rally, student fair and 'Old Crows' vs Ravens basketball game. It was intense ! We lost but only by a little. After the game there was a much music video dance but really all I wanted to do was SLEEEEEEP.
so i'm just really tired of writing. i'll finish the rest of my weeek tomorrrrrrow :)
September 4th:
I saw my best friends for the last time that day. There was a ton of crying going on but surprisingly I did not contribute to the crying (at least not in front of anyone). There were so many things that I had to do so they had to leave my house early but they promised that they would return later that night. Surprisingly, my besties (minus Renae) came back around 9 and guess what? I suckered them into helping me pack my van. I'm such a nice friend right ;) After the car was packed we just went to my room and just talked. We had one long random conversation for old times sake and Nadia also decided to hi-jack my phone and take some strange pictures with one of those weird features that you can do to phones. Midnight came and went and we all were huddling on my driveway crying (minus me) because it was really hard to understand that it was more like a see you soon than a goood bye. I then watched my friends drive away into the night and I wondered when I'll see them next.
September 5th
Moving day! Ahhhhhh I was so scared but pumped for this day. This was the day that I had been preparing for ever since I figured out that there are other universities out there besides uWindsor (not really but you know). The drive was long but it wasn't at the same time. We left Windsor at 3 am and we got to Ottawa around 10:45 am. When we got to the university there was so much chanting and screaming coming from the overly excited facils. My mom was ready to turn back because she was scared (haha no lie). We got my keys and stuff picked up and pulled into the parking lot near my rez building. I am not kidding when I tell you that it took like MAYBE 30 seconds tops to empty out my car. I almost laughed when I saw this one guy just effortlessly bringing up my mini fridge to my second floor room. Afterwards my mom and I set up my room and unpacked everything along with my brother because he surprisingly stated that he wanted to help set up my rooom. As my famjam helped me with my room, I had to go to some rez floor meeting and everyone on my floor got a bag of m&m's and for every m&m in your bag you had to state something about yourself. I had 15 m&m's ! Do you know how hard it is to state 15 'normal' things about yourself. In the end I was just like yeah I grew up across the river from the most ghetto city in the USA. After the meeting I met my famjam in my room and we all went and ate in the caf. The food was super good but I was too nervous to eat. After dinner, my famjam and I fixed up the room one last time and we went to a motel because they were too tired to drive home and I was too tired to put up with any loud parties on my floor.
September 6th
After spending the night in some cute little motel I was officially ready for whatever university was ready to throw at me. My parents and I went and said hello to my mom's uncle (who lives in Ottawa) and we talked to him for a little while. It was so nice because he told me that if I am ever in trouble I can call him and he will come get me. It was so nice to know that there was someone who had my back in this big city. After we left my mom's uncle's house we came back to CU and I showed my dad my room and then we all went to go eat lunch. It was there that my dad's boss called and told him that he had to drive at midnight that same day so my family had to leave. My mom started to cry in the caf and I tried SO hard to not cry but some tears did escape. I met up with Alisston and we followed her parents to their car and then after they left we found my parents and said bye to them. After they left I was alone. It was a strange feeling but for some reason it felt like they would just show up the next day again. That night I went to the mall, got my Ottawa bus pass, walked around dt Ottawa with Alisston and Alicia and then came back to the campus in time for the pep rally, student fair and 'Old Crows' vs Ravens basketball game. It was intense ! We lost but only by a little. After the game there was a much music video dance but really all I wanted to do was SLEEEEEEP.
so i'm just really tired of writing. i'll finish the rest of my weeek tomorrrrrrow :)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
as cliche as this sounds, I am completely numb right now -.-'
So tonight was my going away party that my friends decided to throw for me and it was amazing. All of my bestfriends were there and some close friends that I haven't seen since probably GRAD were there ! Everything went so well like I can't even describe it. Right now as I'm sitting at home and reflecting on tonight's (I guess technically it's last night's) events I cannot seem to grasp the fact that in forty eight hours I shall be Ottawa bound. It does not feel like I am leaving now. I wish I could describe what I'm feeling but to tell you the truth the closest thing I can compare my feelings to right now is being numb. Completely and totally numb. It feels like I'm in the middle of one of those out of body experiences right now where I'm just watching myself go through whatever life decided to throw at me now. It's a terrible feeling. I feel so helpless but I don't feel sad. I am anxious and nervous but at the same time I am ready to move on. It is almost as if my feelings are cancelling each other out and in the end I am left feeling nothing. The worst part about all of this is that I can't even be sad about the fact that in about seventy-two hours I will be alone in a city of around 700 000 people because of this stupid numbness.
fml
fml
Sunday, August 30, 2009
time flies by when you're having fun- or so they say -.-'
t-minus 6 days and counting. Where did the time go? It seems like it was just yesterday when we were all seniors in high school going "let's make this the best year ever blah blah blah..." and now we're all going to be freshmen at universities and colleges across the world. Last year we were all on top of the world and this year we're not. It's going to be a big change but we did it before (think back to grade 9) and we sure as hell can do it again.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
tomorrow, tomorrow, i love you tomorrow...NOT
So today the countdown until moving day is at 10 ! Like I know I just wrote my first blog yesterday but ten seems alot less than eleven. It sounds weird right? But I already established that I'm weird like that. Anyways tomorrow I will be attending my first going away party for one of my closest friends. Steph and I have been friends since grade school and now she's moving away to a totally different city as well. I think I'm sad because I know that my friends that are staying in Windsor will be easier to see than Steph who's moving away to Hamilton. What if we don't come back to Windsor at the same time ?! What if I completely lose contact with her ?! This is so sad and I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it tomorrow. I'd like to say that SobFest '09 officially starts tomorrow night :(
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
so i'm not exactly sure of what i'm doing but that's okay
So it's now starting to hit me- I leave for school in 11 days ! I'm kind of excited but I'm REALLY nervous! I've always said that I wanted to leave this small city but now that I actually am leaving, I'm not sure if this is what I really want. I'm kind of weird like that :) I hope the Big O will be exactly what I need and more. I'm hoping that it's going to be a total blast and I'm also hoping that I won't be a total loner. Oh well even if I make no friends, I'll still have Alisston with me :)
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